I lost the most important thing I thought I ever had in my life. It's not like losing your car keys because those can be found or made again. This however, is like losing yourself. I keep relearning the same things in my life over and over again. I need to care less. I've wrote that before. It's like déjà vu all over again. I thought I needed to care more, but caring more makes me lose sleep and feel worse. Déjà vu. I tried more than the other part of the equation did. I'm really scared to lose what I had. I had someone to sleep next to every night. I had someone to spend all my spare time with. It hurts to think I'm not going to have that anymore. I wore a ring on my index finger so long it wore a spot in it. I was willing to do more and try more, but I guess I was stupid for that. I should feel good that I'm not the one who gave up, but it actually hurts more that someone else gave up on me. It felt so good to travel to Europe and see the one beautiful thing I had. It felt so good to look back on everything, but now it hurts more than anything. It's crazy how physical pain hurts so much less than emotional. Broken ribs, fractured vertebrae, and strained muscles are nothing compared to a broken metaphor. There is more so read on.

I have always been taught to not give up on anything. I guess I need to. I didn't want to move on. I didn't want to stop caring. But if I'm the only one trying, then its just pretending. I don't want to move on but I'm being forced to. I'm probably stupid for feeling this way about everything. Everyone's probably going to read this and laugh. But I'm okay with that. I'm emo when it comes to my broken metaphor, especially after so long. Walk away. I'm supposed to be stronger than this all and not care as much as I do. I'm a joke for feeling hurt. I'm okay with being emo about this. I'd probably laugh at myself too. I guess I need to give it all up. I just wish I had something more to say about it all other than to be broke.

Everyone used to tell me how lucky I am to have what I did. I did feel lucky and still do feel lucky for what I had. Now I feel like shit. Now I feel unlucky to have lost it.

At least I have a summer job. At least I'll have money. I'm going to drive my convertible. I love riding that bitch. She has been the best ride of my life. She knows how to make me happy. Hopefully she'll forgive me for ignoring her so long. Hopefully she's ready for me to be back in her life again.