I'm back to where I was before. I start and then I stop. It always starts in the same place. Then it usually goes somewhere different. It had this past time. It took me to some pretty amazing places and I thought to myself this is all too amazing to be real. A little later and I'm back to where I was before. It's all a dream. I'm convinced I have been asleep for these past 22 years and that I have never actually been awake. I don't actually exist here on this Earth. I am imagining it all. I'm going to keep imagining I'm in some other places and doing some other things and they're just going to happen. I'm not consciously conscious right now. And I don't want to be.

The human mind is something amazing. I am surely unsure of what being conscious actually means. How can such a thing be measured? I'm totally not with it and haven't been for sometime and I never will be. I don't want to be anymore. It's much easier to just stay numb from it all and just stay cold. I don't like being warm. I'd much rather sleep in a cold room now a days and I feel like its best to do what my sleep wants.

It all takes me to the same place though. No matter where I start or go, or even want it to go for that matter, it's always the same ending. A bunch of random little bits of beauty that end up being dark and heavy. They tire your mind and make you wish for sleep. You actually begin to like being asleep rather than awake. It's not like that in the middle. In the middle of it all, sometime after it starts, you enjoy being awake and doing things. Now you just want to sleep. You go to bed early and are ready for sleep before 9 o'clock. Nine's the new nightly notice of numbness. Nine is the time you realize you can't feel anything anymore. You do, but the numb is what you'd rather have.

Numb is the new nice. Because the best way to heal your mind is to make it cold. Chill it a little and you'll be good. You can't feel when you're numb. It's the best way to make your little misgivings vanquish. In the end, we're all only here for ourselves. So what does it matter what happens in the beginning, the middle, and the end if there is always just and end?

And yes, he had a whole lot of nothing to say. A whole lot of nothing thats going to mean anything anymore. There is nothing else to be said. It's all a lot of nothing that is said. It's just a constant echogasm. Same things are said over and over again. And they just keep being heard and heard. Then the echo bounces back and it's full circle again. Back around to where it started and then it circles back around again. It's not going anywhere other than right back to where it was so why bother.

I'm here to find my own way. I'm not following anyone else anymore or chasing someone else. I am here to be better and find more. I am here to down another with a swish of my own brewed tea.